Decor.
A thing liked by me.
Decor.
Oft obscured with "Dick-Whore", my nickname at Jewish summer camp.
Decor.
Can you use the word in a sentence please?
No. You don't deserve it.
Decor.
I recognize that this is a very broad thing to like, but please also recognize that this is my blog, which means that I build the agenda.
Decor.
A couple years ago, before I got American Netflix and a portable chocolate wiener, I read Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers. I cursed my reckless parents for not giving me 10,000 hours of anything growing up, except for shelter, love and affection. I know, I know. How awful of me. But at the end of the day, THERE IS NO MONEY IN BUTTERFLY KISSES. TRUST ME. Tickling will never be an Olympic sport, and there is no National Hug Association All-Star team.
My life was in shambles. I spent my nights curled up on the shower floor, letting my snot and saliva drip down my face, saying things along the lines of, "I don't even know who I am anymore"/"Is this real life?"/"Why?" (etc...), and being generally super dramatic and unreasonable. Then one day, while I was picking the Winners price tag off of one of my shampoo bottles with extreme precision, I came to a realization that hit me like Chris and/or Bobby.
I had 10,000 hours of wallpaper picking experience.
Decor.
OK, fine. Maybe it was a total of 3.7 hours throughout my life, but 3.2 of those hours were spent picking wallpaper as an unpaid minor, so I definitely get bonus hours for child labor.
At the tender age of 4, and after living in a newly built house for less than a year, my parents decided to buy a house in a much more remote and coyote-infested area. The house we moved into had fleur de lis tiles on the entire main floor, and every wall was covered in wallpaper more hideous and textured than Uncle Bernie's hemorrhoidal sphincter.
Decor.
A thing liked by me.
Decor.
I've seen nearly every faux finish known to man, and I've been with a lot of deceitful men.
I genuinely want to know if the carpet matches the drapes.
Gallery walls are more important to me than current affairs.
Things That Are Important To Me
1) Gallery Walls
2) Extramarital Affairs
3) Current Affairs
The only time I pay attention to news, really, is when I can squint at the content boxes, and fantasize that they are all precisely organized in an eclectic way on a 14 foot wall.
Decor.
Honestly, who buys Style at Home for the articles? That feature in last month's issue on curvy cloches drove me insane. I locked myself in my bedroom all weekend.
Decor.
I reupholster my dining room chairs to match my outfits.
I've got enough vases for a man to deflower every night of the week.
I was going to convert my closet into an office space but got distracted re-visiting the cloche pics.
Decor.
A thing liked by me.
