Braille.

Braille.

Can't live with it, can't live without it.

I tried learning it once- not because I wanted to be able to actually read Braille- but because as a teenager, I was pretty convinced that my acne patterns were trying to tell me something.

Lo and behold, they were not, but I'm pretty sure that Kabbalah was founded on similar principles, so it was worth a try.

One of the hottest trends right now in the home décor world, is decorating your walls with Braille so that you can essentially write whatever you want, without anyone really knowing what it says. But this only works in a wireless-less world, because in this day-and-age, house guests will turn on their iPhones without batting an eyelash, only to decipher that your entranceway reads "Redrum" and the axe is missing from the woodpile.

On a less morbid note, couples 'in-the-know' are opting to Braille sexual phrases in their bedroom unbeknownst to their innocent children. Of course, these are the parents that are practising co-sleeping and don't want their 8-year-old piggy in the middle hearing anything inappropz.

Speaking of young ones, Braille was actually invented by a fifteen-year-old French boy, named Louise Braille. Rumour has it that he was caressing the pages of a dirty magazine, when the idea popped up.


People who read Braille must have such sensitive fingers!


They aren't born that way, they have to train them to be sensitive. This is done by making them listen to Louis Armstrong, and read Tuesday's With Morrie. Once they pass the sensitivity test conducted by a team of Menstruating Scientists, they receive their first Braille challenge, which is to read an egg carton.


Braille placement confuses me.


Why does Ikea have Braille? How does that even make sense if it's impossible to find your way around the place with perfect vision and a working knowledge of the Swedish language? Maybe Braille makes it easier? Maybe the Braille says "Go straight, do not pay attention to the new slipcovers, do not get distracted by that PAX wardrobe system, it's always been here, it is not new, just in a new spot, what you need and came here for is at the end of the hallway, to the right, next to the table that doubles as a chair and a changing table for your baby"?


When the time comes, I am going to submit my resume in Braille and when the perplexed hiring manager gets to the bottom of the page, it will read: "The best business decision you can make is to surround yourself with people who are smarter than you". 


I will write it in a sans serif typeface, because it's more legible than serif, or dots.

Until then, ::..:::...:..:...:::. !!!